Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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