im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
