I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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