We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
