Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
