I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
