you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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