I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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