At least make sure they are 18
Why
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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