hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
