the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
