I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She's the barista slut.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
