dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
