i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
