I hate all girls vehemently.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
