everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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