so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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