i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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