Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
