This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
