Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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