I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
