I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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