I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
