It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
