I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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