I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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