@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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