so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
