Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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