Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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