U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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