If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
