So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
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I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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