Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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