so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
