so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
