I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize