yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
