yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
