Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
