he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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