Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
