I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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