Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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