if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
