Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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