whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
