I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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