Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
