Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize