And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
