My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
