Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
