Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
