There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
