the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
