just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
