Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
