LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
