some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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