apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
