Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
