Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
