I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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