I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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