Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
