I'm jealous of your bromance
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
