I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
