You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
