He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
