tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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