dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
