I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
