I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
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so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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