id be glad to
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
its liver damage thursday
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