whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
