Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
