someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
