all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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