Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
