Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
