That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
