Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize