eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
