Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
