When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
